Sorry Lucas! I don't have access to a computer so this class is sometimes a pain. Your review was good. It was informative and gave a lot of description of how to play the game. It sounds like a lot of fun. I don't know how to email blogs so I'm going to post it here if that's alright. Here it is...
Review Correction
Your paper was well informed and you did a really great job describing the game. It gave me a really good understanding of the game and actually made me want to try and play it, though there were a few things in your writing that could use some fixing. First thing I’d suggest for you is to focus on your citing. This might not have been a good topic to choose because this is all knowledge learned from a while ago and will be hard for you to cite. But what you could do is look the game up on the internet and find some reviews and opinions of the game. You’re lacking in quotes, facts, citing, and maybe opinions of how you and others like the game. Also maybe try and find out where it originated from and if it’s a common game in other states because I have never heard of it though it sounds fun. Another suggestion is to maybe step away from the computer during your writing. What sounded good to you at the time when you were writing might not sound so good when you take a breather and come back with a different mind frame. It helps me a lot during the writing process and if I don’t I’ll usually find something wrong after I’d already printed it. Last thing I’d suggest is to consider flipping your sentence structure. For example, “I never have…” or “I have never...” Which sounds better to you? Also, something to try is highlighting a word like police, right click it and then scroll down to synonyms. It will give you alternatives like officer, cops, law enforcement and etc. It can help the writing process a lot. Other than that you did a great job. It was well informed and gave a good visual of how it’s supposed to be played and the little tricks to help you win. Great job and good luck!
Sorry Lucas! I don't have access to a computer so this class is sometimes a pain. Your review was good. It was informative and gave a lot of description of how to play the game. It sounds like a lot of fun. I don't know how to email blogs so I'm going to post it here if that's alright. Here it is...
ReplyDeleteReview Correction
Your paper was well informed and you did a really great job describing the game. It gave me a really good understanding of the game and actually made me want to try and play it, though there were a few things in your writing that could use some fixing.
First thing I’d suggest for you is to focus on your citing. This might not have been a good topic to choose because this is all knowledge learned from a while ago and will be hard for you to cite. But what you could do is look the game up on the internet and find some reviews and opinions of the game. You’re lacking in quotes, facts, citing, and maybe opinions of how you and others like the game. Also maybe try and find out where it originated from and if it’s a common game in other states because I have never heard of it though it sounds fun.
Another suggestion is to maybe step away from the computer during your writing. What sounded good to you at the time when you were writing might not sound so good when you take a breather and come back with a different mind frame. It helps me a lot during the writing process and if I don’t I’ll usually find something wrong after I’d already printed it.
Last thing I’d suggest is to consider flipping your sentence structure. For example, “I never have…” or “I have never...” Which sounds better to you? Also, something to try is highlighting a word like police, right click it and then scroll down to synonyms. It will give you alternatives like officer, cops, law enforcement and etc. It can help the writing process a lot.
Other than that you did a great job. It was well informed and gave a good visual of how it’s supposed to be played and the little tricks to help you win. Great job and good luck!